Catalina, an asylum seeker, embarks on a dangerous, transcontinental search for home.
Painted fence outside Casa Juan Diego. Photograph: Meg Spasia
By Jonathan Griffin
The treacherous journey was not her first choice. At the age of 21, Catalina traversed the entirety of South America by foot, car, and bus in search of a home.
According to the European Commission the number of forcibly displaced people globally is 120 million. These journeys have many iterations: some transcontinental, most perilous. However, all of them are forced. Catalina decided to leave her home in Equatorial Guinea for one reason alone: to save herself.
I met Catalina while I was volunteering at Casa Juan Diego, an immigrant shelter situated in the heart of Houston, Texas. We sat together in Casa’s library, surrounded by Bibles and English-language learning materials. She is sprightly and intelligent, almost the same age as my younger sister.
I have since left Houston, and it has been six months since we last spoke. I call her on her day off. Her familiar, reserved voice fills the line as I ask her about her journey to the United States.
Forced to Leave
Catalina first fled her home with her mother to escape her stepfather’s violence. They went to Benin, her mother’s birthplace, but Catalina’s relatives did not welcome her. Catalina’s mother was convinced that her daughter could find a better life in Brazil and encouraged Catalina to make the trek. “My mom couldn’t come with me,” Catalina said. “The situation with her family didn’t allow her to move. She was protecting me from her family.”
Catalina’s friend, already in Brazil, urged her to come despite Catalina’s trepidation. “I was scared because I didn’t know what I was going to do there. Most of my decisions about moving were because I had to, not because I wanted to,” said Catalina.
She was disoriented when she landed in Brazil. She planned to stay with her friend, but when Catalina arrived, her friend without explanation said she could no longer host her.
Catalina had to put her life in the hands of strangers. First for shelter to avoid too many nights sleeping on the streets, and then for directions, as she had no idea how to navigate to the US border.
Catalina was fortunate to experience the kindness of a woman from Togo who stopped her on the streets. “She told me that I wasn’t safe in this neighborhood,” Catalina said. But the stranger’s kindness did not stop at a courteous warning. She took Catalina into her home, fed her, and gave her money to get to the US. Catalina is no longer able to contact her. All she knows is that the woman planned to return to Togo.
The journey to the US brought one difficulty after another. “You don’t know what you’re going to eat tomorrow,” she says. “I didn’t even know where I was going to stay. I had to sleep in the street. I had to see people dying in the street. I was threatened by the mafia and in Brazil, the last place I went to, it was very dangerous. You couldn’t even sleep because you heard gunshots.”
She grappled frequently with the thought that she would die. As she stumbled through the brush of rainforests, questions about her next meal and the situation she was in tormented her. Then, one of her travel companions died in front of her. “The only thing you have with you is God,” says Catalina.
Finding Home
When at last she crossed the border into Arizona, Catalina felt exhilarated: a release of the turmoil she and her companions had internalized over the 6,000 miles they traversed. She described a scene of unadulterated happiness, where everyone was running and joy was contagious. Catalina too found herself smiling, but the mood plummeted while waiting in the immigration center. “You think it’s the final stop, but it’s actually the beginning of other horrible experiences,” she said.
She was full of anxiety as she waited for approval. A “no” would be a devastating setback in her journey. In the end, Catalina was allowed to cross in less time than she expected.
When she crossed the Arizona border, there were still questions as to where she would go. She discovered Casa Juan Diego on the internet and decided to make her way to Houston.
Casa Juan Diego ostensibly provides short-term shelter and job-training for immigrants who have recently arrived in the United States. Catholic doctrine fuels the work ethic of the staff, who do their best to mitigate the inevitable disillusionment immigrants feel upon arrival in the US.
I found volunteering at casa overwhelming. Directly in front are food donations stacked halfway to the ceiling from local churches, grocery stores, and the community. To the left, volunteers and asylum seekers are gathered, hurriedly preparing food bags assembly-style for the queue waiting outside the door. To the right, children are playing and crying, their mothers are close behind tending to their communal obligations of cleaning and cooking.
Staff members at Casa told me that many immigrants come to casa to escape violence and poverty. They come to the shelter for help, but the end goal is not to live in the US. Many immigrants dream of returning home with resources to support the family they left behind.
Catalina, however, feels she has found her home at Casa, where she relishes the feeling of security she has craved much of her life. Before she came to Casa, she said, she didn’t feel safe anywhere. “It’s like I don’t have a place that I can say ‘that’s my place, I can stay here,’ until I came here [Casa].”
Catalina tells me living at Casa makes her happy. She can relate to the people around her because they have similar experiences. As she told me her story, I realized that the commonality was not just that they immigrated. It is that they were forced to do so.
Within the sanctuary of Casa, Catalina has felt free to consider things beyond her immediate survival. The security affords her the opportunity to dream of college and starting a career. “I’m trying to be the image of God for others,” Catalina tells me. However, there remain many barriers, legal or otherwise, that Catalina will have to overcome.
Her fear now is being deported and forced from her newfound home.
“I just want to stay here. I don’t want them to send me back,” said Catalina. “I know how it’s going to be if they send me back.”