{"id":460,"date":"2019-10-14T16:01:57","date_gmt":"2019-10-14T16:01:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thanassiscambanis.com\/sipa\/?p=460"},"modified":"2019-10-14T16:01:57","modified_gmt":"2019-10-14T16:01:57","slug":"finding-a-path-to-feeling-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thanassiscambanis.com\/sipa\/2019\/10\/finding-a-path-to-feeling-free\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding a Path to Feeling Free"},"content":{"rendered":"

BY BLANCA ARISMENDI\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Moving to New York City was the culmination of a lifelong dream for Qian, a second year student at SIPA. Attending Columbia was an unplanned opportunity she grabbed onto without thinking twice. Qian is excited to plan her life after graduation and to reunite with her family in China. She reflects on the series of rash decisions that brought her so far from home.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many view planning as a crucial step to achieving success, as it is meant to motivate the planner towards the desired goal. Qian, however, was driven by desire alone. She followed her instinct and emotions at every turn. It led her to many frustrations but also to ambitions she could not have imagined in any plan.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was a sweet kid…affectionate, well behaved and good at school,\u201d Qian says. \u201cMy mom brought me along almost everywhere she went.\u201d<\/span> Qian remembers her childhood with a wide smile. Qian Chen was born in a small village in China 26 years ago in 1992. She is the middle of three children. Although China\u2019s one-child policy was still in place at this time, her parents decided to have second child, hoping for a boy, but Qian was born instead. Her parents attempted to hide the growing family from the authorities.\u00a0 But when they were eventually found out, the fine was severe and her mother forced to undergo a ligation procedure. To everyone\u2019s surprise and joy their longed son arrived just two years later. Even with all the preferential treatment that her brother enjoyed, Qian did not feel neglected, she felt uniquely cared for by her family.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In 1999, when Qian was seven years old, a flood devastated her village. One of Qian\u2019s earliest memories is living under a tent like most families that were displaced by the storm. She recalls going to bed scared that the wind might blow away the tent, but her memories of excitement are more intense. Qian vividly remembers carrying bricks to help her parents rebuild their home and the many volunteers that came to help with the recovery.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe days I couldn\u2019t help carrying bricks, I tried to cook or give my parents back rubs when they came home,\u201d<\/span> Qian recounts with enthusiasm how busy life became during the recovery and how crowded the village was with so many strangers helping. On one occasion, a reporter covering the flood approached Qien for an interview. Qian was eager to share her experience. The interview earned her a free meal and she felt very proud. Later that day, when she saw herself on TV, she was elated. She felt important.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once her family was able to return to their home and everything went back to normal, all the nice strangers began to leave as well. Qian longed to leave with them, the village now seemed too quiet and boring. These strangers had brought to Qian a glimpse of a different life and it left Qian wanting more of that excitement. She began to imagine herself going to school in a big city filled with interesting strangers and new adventures. This yearning drove Qian to beg her family to allow her to go to school in the city where her grandparents lived.\u00a0 Although her parents resisted at first, Qian\u2019s insistent pleas won them over.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was the happiest time in my life!\u201d Qian says. \u201c [My grandparents] never pressured me. They never told me what to think. They told me they were proud and that I would go places.\u201d<\/span> Qian remembers finishing elementary school living with her grandparents. She remembers thriving as a student and experiencing, for the first time, a sense of freedom. Her grandparents allowed her pick her clothes, her food, her toys and explore around the house as she desired. But as she prepared to enter high school, her mother insisted that she return home.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Qian\u2019s return to her village at age thirteen was difficult.\u00a0 She had not lived with her family for over three years and she now felt very distant from her old life. <\/span>\u201c[My family] just didn’t know how to communicate or express their feelings!\u201d <\/span>Qian remembers as her smile turns to confusion.<\/span>\u00a0 Actually, they didn\u2019t talk much.\u201d<\/span> It was very difficult for her to adjust to the quiet life of the village. Even relating to her family became difficult.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While her mother was outwardly social, she tended to be strict and critical at home. Her father was hardworking but generally quiet. Both her siblings dropped out of school at the age of fifteen. Her sister moved to another city to work at a factory like many other young girls her age. Her brother decided to join the military at a base in Tibet as he did not see himself attending college.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Qian\u2019s family had different expectations for her. She had always been a dedicated and ambitious student. But Qian did not feel engaged in school anymore. Much to the disappointment of her parents, Qian switched high schools three times until her dissatisfaction drove her to drop out of school, also, at fifteen. She found herself at a factory testing batteries over and over again all day. Over the next six months Qien switched jobs but she still did not feel satisfied. Feeling frustrated, Qian begged her parents to enroll her back in high school, but in a city.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Though reluctant, her mother tapped all her contacts to get her a spot in the placement examination. Her sister volunteered to find a job where Qian would attend school so they could live together. Qian excelled on the placement test and was awarded a scholarship. Back in city life and thriving academically, Qian felt a sense to freedom again. But upon graduating high school, her parents persuaded her to attend a university with a solid engineering department to secure her job prospects..<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t like the city,\u201d<\/span> Qian says.<\/span> \u201c I didn\u2019t like the school, I didn\u2019t like the major, I didn\u2019t like the professors, I didn\u2019t even like some of my classmates.\u201d<\/span> She attended college in a small city to study bio-engineering. Qian yearned for a city life again. She felt very detached from her surroundings but she also wanted to please her parents, after all the grief she caused them switching schools earlier. Qian made up her mind to make the best of her situation. She set two goals for herself: read as many books as possible and learn English.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And so Qian spent most of her time reading books at the library. Very soon she was awarded with the \u201creading star,\u201d a distinction placed on the student that borrows the most books from the library. As a \u2018reading star\u2019 student, Qian was allowed to borrow 10 books at a time, twice the allowed amount. In Qian\u2019s mind the books were far more interesting that the people around her.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While in college and as a way to learn English, Qian volunteered to translate documents from Chinese to English for an online company based in the United States. By the time Qian graduated, the company offered her to a scholarship to attend an International Student Conference in DC and assist in doing research. Without any hesitation and at the dismay of her family, Qian used all her savings to jump on a plane to her next adventure in the Spring of 2015.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you are from a small village and you\u2019ve come this far, your life feels almost like a dream! You don\u2019t know where the dream is gonna take you but you know it\u2019s gonna take you somewhere. I have to stay!\u201d <\/span>Qian told her parents, over the phone, when she decided to stay in New York for grad school. She confesses it was a dramatic decision and a risky one. She believes her parents understand her character, though her mom couldn\u2019t contain a couple of swear words at the news. It also helped that Qian did not ask them for money. She had save enough to cover her first semester.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know if this is going to work out but I have to try my best.\u201d <\/span>Qian says. \u201c<\/span>I mean this is my style! I want freedom and adventure!\u201d<\/span> Qian concludes in between giggles. Her soft smile suggests a sense of balance.\u00a0<\/span>